/int/ - International

>>11033 There's an odd thing that happens with these, even beyond the general worldview and outlook most IB denizens share, where your "inner dialogue" can only be easily expressed on them; trying to speak in the same kind of shorthand most on these instantly can "get" requires endless, exhausting explanation of everything. >aka "explaining a lvl9 meme to someone on lvl0"

Yeah most people think spotted hyenas are the worst animals because of disney eventhough they are cute and adorable. People are easily manipulated.

I try not to think about it.

>>11049 I picture the stench of decomposition each time I look at them. Sorry Bernd but they're kind of a shitty animal.

>>11066 This is the real circle of life. They prevent diseases that would decimate plant eaters much more than being hunt by doing so.

>>11036 Did you ever find out what makes you special exactly? Is it just pride talking when we say we are different, because we want to feel special and in the end everyone thinks that?

>>11033 I had that realization a long time ago. I experience the world in a fundamentally different way than normal people. That's why I'm mostly alone.

I never liked normal people anyway.

For a long time I felt that I didn't belong. I rationalized it by telling that it was because I was intelligent, most people bought it. Turns out, I'm average and I just most probably just had a deep trauma hidden somewhere.

One of my first memories is kids from different groups asking me "why do you run so weirdly" and I couldn't figure out what was weird about the way I ran Later I realized that more things that seem perfectly normal to me are perceived as weird by other people, they just stopped telling that to my face and prefer to ignore me instead

I am different from most people, but i found some that are like me. That feels good after being lonely for so long. I always get reminded of how different i am from my family when i see them. This weirds me out a lot, i basically never talk to people that are unlike me because it was so frustrating for so long, so i dont try anymore.

>>11095 >I am different from most people, but i found some that are like me. This is pretty much everyone even "normies"; nobody is really all that unique, there are bits and pieces of your personality all over. Just happen to be more that have the most common "mainstream" kind of similarities. We're esoteric hipsters, you've probably never heard of our personality types. Weirdly I've met people that were similar enough to me while also different in just enough ways they ended up with this repelling magnet effect, so similarity isn't always a plus.

>>11106 I mean of course there are people in this world, that are similar. Just look at this thread. But you will barely meet someone in real life you can relate to. I don't have anyone, that's really close and knows how I really am and think. Nobody would understand, why I frequent imageboards for example or why I don't really like to go out into nature.

Yes but I don't care.

>>11106 Yes, everyone is different but some of us are different in a different way which causes this >repelling magnet effect

I like to think that I am not very unusual, and in some aspects it is true, but then not completely true either. It's not like I can't be around normal people or something, I just have spent a good portion of my life isolated so it brought out something different in me I guess. I don't think too much about it, honestly, there are plenty of people who feel the same way and I don't want to be closed off from getting to know some of these people that might be a bit like me.

I feel that feel with both IRL normies and people on IBs. No one of my IRL normie friends care about niche Internet shit that I spend hours being immersed in almost every day. And people on IBs are so alien to me since they consider my life to be pure fabrication when I talk about my everyday life as a normie with frens, career and fiancee. I always felt like a stranger in both worlds and I used to have completely separate online and offline personalities. Today I just separate these two lives but I don't artificially change my personality anymore. At the end of the day I'm glad I can seamlessly switch between two worlds; the URL and the IRL. Whenever I get bored of one I can find refuge in the other.

Can anyone of you even give any conrete examples how you're different or is it just a "woe is me" situation of a soft cunt? You see, I *don't drnk coffee *don't like cinnamon *don't care for football *can only sleep when it's pitch black *only use a towel once when showering and throw it into the laundry immediately *don't care for any kind of social media or influencers or anything of that kind *am allergic to advertising *hate telephoning *hate phones of any kind in general *have political opinions that fit nowhere *have a strong sense of commitment and personal honor *don't listen to most kinds of radio music And that's only spontaneous. I always tried to fit in, but eventually I accepted that my path is mainly running parallel to everyone else's, even my weitd friends', and only sometimes crosses their path.

i hate every one and every one hates me. i hate people using normie or normalfag or whatever stupid fucking slang they invent for having pretensions about being different and apart of some internet collective. there's bitter losers on every sidewalk - maybe, hypothetically like, there might even be more bitter losers than winners

I'm long past that phase. I used to think that I was a weirdo and there was something different in me. But with enough reading and looking back at my life experience I learned to recognize my misfit as a feature of the current system. tl;dr the industrial revolution and its consequences have been a disaster on the human race. It's true!

I am objectively different from most people because I am a rich Bernd. I will never have to work or think about necessities. I can afford anything the moment I want it. Whole classes of problems don't exist for me. Rich people don't like me because I give zero fucks about all their status symbols, their ignorance and self-deception. Their lives are empty to me and I despise them. Nobody should have too much money. On the other hand every relation I am trying to have with normal people always fizzles out quickly because our lives have nothing in common. Their days are full of work, families, children, errands, friends , other obligations, and so on. I have nothing of that. If we can find some common ground in a hobby, the vastly different amount of means we have means I can always pursue something in much more depth than them even if I'm not trying to be elitist, just interested, which they start disliking at some point. I'm also traveling quite often and sometimes gone for weeks and months, which makes communication hard, makes me miss out on important events in other people's lives and also makes people jealous. I can be myself and use the means I have to live a life that makes everything bearable for me, or I can not be myself and try to fit in with some people. At least I've never found a way to have both.

I managed to fit well into society for most of my adult life. Once I've realized I'm quite persuasive and charming when I am around people that are less intelligent than me (or at least I think I am), I gradually changed my life towards such environments. I work in on a job I am overqualified for and hang out with people much less educated. It helps me overcome my self hatred and brittle self-esteem being the smartest person in the room most of the time. Deep inside, I'm aware I am a sociopath (with occasional psychopath moments that cost me a lot of money), but in the meantime, feeling different is a coping mechanism for me.

>>12213 > It helps me overcome my self hatred and brittle self-esteem being the smartest person in the room most of the time. I find that pathetic, to be honest. Im the absolute contrary. I literally can't want to work in a place where everybody's dumber/lazier/less effective than me because how am I going to improve myself in such an environment?

>>12213 Textbook narcisissm

i am normal

>>12215 >>12219 It definitely is pathetic, very much so, and I wouldn't say otherwise. But this way of life has worked out for me so far. No need to develop further, living a boring, middle class life. Also, I doubt being a narcissist. If so, I mightbw the world's worst. Maybe you could say that I am pretending it to myself, but if I truly was one, there wouldn't be this low self-esteem that I am absolutely aware of. t least that's what I think. Might be total BS, awaiting a therapist meeting, so maybe I can tell you more in a few weeks.

>>12230 Not him but yeah narcissists can absolutely have low self esteem, that's why they guard the one they have so fiercely. If you want to change something about it, a motivation could be that if you want to improve at things (hobbies or skills or whatever), you can learn from people who are better at it. But you have to be able to tolerate being around them first.

Im normal

>>12230 On the contrary, narcissists often have very unstable self-esteem and are dissatisfied with themselves. This vulnerability then gives rise to a desire for success and recognition in order to regain the feeling that one actually "deserves" according to one's own perception, this is actually the driving force behind this whole thing.

>>12337 Stop diagnosing other Bernds so accurately, psychiatry Bernd. Unless it's to help them.

>>12337 If youre happy with that and have come to terms with the whole story, all is cool, but if deep down you feel terrible about it, I would really recommend trying depth psychology.

>>12219 >>12230 >>12337 Both Narcissistic Personality Disorder and Anti Social Personality Disorder (used to be called psyhopaths, sociopaths) are in the Cluster-B spectrum of personality disorders. They both are rooted in identity issues, lack of empathy, etc.

I genuinely understand nothing about this world. Is it divergence or normality? I don't know.

>>12365 Interesting. I never looked too much into the science, partly because I'm afriiof myself at times. Throughout my adult life, I've been breaking the law a couple times. Nothing crazy, some drunk driving, stealing, such stuff. Plus animal cruelty. When it comes to humans, I have been very abusive to partners, never physically, but mentally, being extremely hurtful in arguments and even going as far as gaslighting them. Also I've always been having online affairs with other women throughout my relationships, heavy sexting, no intention to actually meet them, but enjoying the fact I could make them sexually dependent on me (being fairly dominant and demanding), getting them to send nudes and filth. I still own the pictures and videos and voice messages, nicely archived in folders labeled with their names. Also I often believably pretend to be friends with people only because I know they might be helpful some time. Does that make me a sociopath or a psychopath? t. >>12213 When reading this summary it makes me think about myself.

>>12418 > Does that make me a sociopath or a psychopath? Do you feel empathy for others at all, ever? Like you see something bad happen to someone and sometimes you feel like "oh shit, I'm sorry for that person. I wish I could help" or whatever? The behaviors you listed are sociopath-like but literally all people are capable of some of that stuff. The difference is if it's pathological, and if you literally can't operate any other way, ever.

>>12215 Same. It's sometimes bad for self-esteem to work closely with very good people, but it's how you can improve and not get frustrated with others not pulling their weight. You can still think that you as a group (and you in particular) are better than most of the losers out there.

>>12422 I definitely can. Random example, yesterday I was talking to a friend I haven't heard of in a while on the phone and I asked how his dog was doing, and he told me she died last Thursday in her sleep, and it almost made me cry. I also know grief, heavily, my father unexpectedly died about two years ago and I still struggle with it, same with my ex girlfriend (not dead, just no longer part of my life). So yes, I apparently have empathy, and I'd say it's in the normal range. Good question if it's pathological. There is some creep "it personality" inside myself, I wouldn't call it a dissociation, but it's there. Like when it comes to animal cruelty. I regret it the next morning, but "it" did it the other day with great fun. Maybe it is sort of dissociative disorder, now that I think about it.

>>12418 > animal cruelty That's a 100% sign you are the lowest of low people. Sorry.

>>11033 Yes, decades ago. Yet I stiil try again and again to connect to people, only to be disappointed again.

>>12337 >dissatisfied with themselves don't think that's a bad thing as long as you convert it into self improvement rather than self hate

>>12442 Yeah, really disgusting. I'm not vegetarian and not an "animals are as valuable as people" person, but abusing them for pleasure is human garbage tire.

Im a lil lonely so what

I just let people take me as I am, if they don't like me fine stay out of my way and we're good. Can't please everyone.

I exist on a different level to everybody else, I am above them all.

>>12456 Teach me how to be amazing

>>12457 It's not something that can be taught, it's who you are.

The thing is if you: -spend most of your time with computers and media -don't have much urge to socialize -get anxiety from mundane tasks like shopping groceries or going to Amt -choose to abstain from "dating" you used to be freak like 10-20 years ago but now it's literally most normies. Bernddom is mainstream now.

>>12463 it's quite funny to me because I'm post-that now (except for nogf) and it's everybody else that is going through it

>>12425 Yeah you're not a clinical sociopath.. probably not a narc. I'd say CPTSD with dissociation like you said. The prescription is inner child healing/family of origin trauma therapy/etc.. Find your true self, heal the inner child... all that stuff

>>12497 There have been a lot of issues regarding my relationship to my parents, nothing super serious, like sexual abuse or anything, but mental abuse, definitely. I'm, again, pretty excited to explore this with a professional soon, and hopefully become a better person.